Oprah Winfrey said it herself:
We all want to know we’re appreciated.
“People just want to be seen and heard, and everybody wants to know that ‘they matter.’”
That particular Oprah’s Lifeclass conversation began with a reference to Wednesday’s Lifeclass with guest Toni Morrison and segued into a Skype call from Harel, a young Israeli man, who told Oprah and co-host Iyanla Vanzant the following:
“As I’m going through my spiritual evolution, I realize there was one thought, one belief, that was keeping me back and holding me back.
“And the belief is, your life is small and insignificant.
“And this belief I think is why I’m looking for external validation; why I’m looking for acceptance and approval from other people.
“So my question for you, teachers of the world, is, ‘How do I move away from that, knowing intellectually this isn’t true, and how do I validate myself?’”
Obviously moved, Oprah read his original question to producers, which contained, “I’m waiting for someone to hold my face, look me in the eye and say, ‘You are not just a small-town boy with no name. Your life does matter.’”
Stage to screen, Iyanla asked Harel to “give me your face, c’mon . . .
“Look at me, look, look, look; can you see me?” she asked him. Then she declared, in no uncertain terms, “You matter.
“You matter.
“You are not just an insignificant small-town little boy. You matter. And this ocean of life would not be the same without the drop of life that you are. You matter. You matter just as you are. You matter.“
Harel took a moment, apparently to digest this morsel of sustenance. Oprah asked how it felt to have his face virtually “caressed.”
“I think if you want someone to validate you it has to be someone you can believe is telling the truth,” he said. “So, as far as Iyanla is concerned, I believe.”
Oprah and Iyanla proposed that being of service to others is the best way to demonstrate that one can and does “matter” in the fabric of life.
“What matters most” however, “is that you understand that it matters,” Oprah clarified. “But the question isn’t how do I become significant; the questions is, how do I serve.
“If you want to know that you matter to somebody you gotta figure out a way to give.”
Harel already does, as he works with people with disabilities, he said. Oprah and Iyanla know he matters, simply by virtue of the fact that his creator gave him a place in this world. Scores of Lifeclass participants chimed in via Facebook to confirm and affirm. And none of us even know Harel! Imagine the power infused in just one single heartfelt, detailed story of gratitude (message of thanks) delivered to him by someone who actually does know him. Someone who knows exactly when, how and to whom Harel has “mattered” and why it made a difference? Perhaps a mother, father, brother, sister or friend of one of the people whose lives Harel touches everyday?
As Harel told Oprah, it’s important that the affirmation or validation is genuine and comes from a trusted source. In every delivery of a heartfelt message of gratitude there’s only one trusted source: the person delivering it. Only that person can detail the immeasurable value of another’s contribution as it uniquely pertains to his/her own life. That’s not to say that a million people can’t thank the same person for the same contribution; rather it’s to reiterate the fact that the ways in which we matter to others are as unique and varied as the individuals involved in the exchange.
In other words, we all matter. We’re all making a difference in the lives of others every day. The choice about what kind of difference and how we will matter is ours. The effects of our contributions, though, we cannot accurately and completely predict. And it’s only in the detailed expression of gratitude–sometimes even years later–that one can ever discover when, how and to whom he or she has made a difference, and why it mattered.
Thank you, Oprah and Iyanla, for facilitating a great discussion.
Thank you, Harel, for a most important call. Harel, I have a place where you will “matter” more than you can imagine if you’re up for giving a little bit more of your fabulous self on behalf of people worldwide who deserve to know they make a difference. Please contact me.
You’re amazing, now go be yourself,
Nora
People come and go in a lifetime, often never knowing the lasting, positive impact they’ve had on another. Who have you been meaning to thank? Who on Earth might be Thanking of You? Gratitude affirms life. Express yours at www.ThankingOfYou.com
Nora Firestone is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, freelance journalist and founder of ThankingOfYou.com, the Web-based forum for posting and receiving stories of gratitude (messages of thanks) for the people who’ve made a difference in our lives. You may contact her directly at (757) 705-7174 (calls only; no text messages) or at nfirestone@verizon.net
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