Real vs. Temporary: Gratitude for Lasting Friendships

By Cheyenne Grimstead
Teen correspondent

One of the main issues in high school is keeping friends. Besides people choosing to go their separate ways, things happen. Some people are meant to be a lifelong friend, while some are only temporary. When there’s a friend who you can really call your “best friend,” you need to tell them how much you appreciate them.

I have a very good friend who I met in 7th grade. Now we’re in 10th, and still the best of friends. We consider each other cousins and call each other’s moms “aunt.” What makes her different is that she doesn’t like drama (with girls) and she doesn’t do or say anything to involve herself in any. She’s more focused on her school work, artwork, and few close friends that she has.

Some people, even in the adult world, have few close friends as a consequence. Others, like me and my best friend, have few close friends by choice. You can’t trust everyone you speak to. You also have to be your own person. You can’t be the type to let what someone says effect your thinking and how you react to a situation. You have a brain for a reason: to think and make decisions for yourself.

Some friends make you think twice about why you have them as “friends.” But when you have that one friend who’s always there for you, is trustworthy, you can be yourself around them and not have to worry about being judged, you should appreciate him/her. Tell that person how grateful you are to be best friends and to have him or her in your life. A real friend actually cares.

Temporary friends come and go as they please. They’ll talk about you behind your back and smile to your face – unlike a real friend. The question you ultimately ask yourself is, “Would I rather have everyone like me, or would I rather have that one special friend who actually cares?” Give thanks and be grateful for your real friends. Don’t take them for granted. Some people would love to have even one.

“Aha” Moments Illustrate the Power of Gratitude to Fuel Nonprofit Movements

By Nora Firestone
ThankingOfYou
This article was recently published in Inside Business magazine.

Feeling mid-lifeish back in 1991, local newspaper reporter Marjorie Mayfield Jackson sensed the tug to “make a difference” somewhere in this big world.  So she reflected in her quiet little corner of it for six months, watching the mullet jump, “the great blue herons stalking the wetland grasses” and the night herons roosting in her mulberry tree from her yard on a cove of the Elizabeth River.

“I felt privileged to live in a very beautiful, very special corner of the Elizabeth River . . . where wildlife seemed undisturbed,” she recently told me, but “at the same time it was very painful to know that this was such a dirty river, the fish had cancer.

“Over the course of the six months,” Jackson shared with Mutual of Omaha CQ insurance company’s Aha Moment film crew in June, “I just came to this realization (that) what I really wanted to do with my life, what would really make a difference, would be to clean up the river.”

So Jackson quit her job to found the Elizabeth River Project, with three other volunteers, and has since grown the organization to engage more than 200 businesses and schools through its River Star initiatives for watershed cleanups, marine habitat restoration and ongoing stewardship of local waterways.  Since ’97 River Star Businesses “have cumulatively reduced pollution by more than 215 million pounds . . . and have restored or conserved more than 1,100 acres of urban wildlife habitat,” Jackson said. E.R.P. recently launched the River Star Homes program, bringing residents of the watershed onboard.  The “over-arching goal,” Jackson noted, “is to make the Elizabeth River safe for swimming and fishing by 2020.”

The 2011 Aha Moment tour will feature inspiring, life-changing “Aha” moment stories, taped inside the campaign’s mobile film studio during 25 stops nationwide, including those of 44 people in Hampton Roads, Va., recorded during the June 13 and 14 landing at Norfolk’s Waterside.  Folks can view those at: http://ahamoment.com/moments/search?page=1&search[q]=&search[tour_stop]=25

Organizers contacted many of us directly, having searched in advance for locals who they thought modeled positive action and might inspire others with personal insights.

I felt honored when they asked me to share the inspiration behind the creation of ThankingOfYou.com, the Web-based forum for posting and receiving messages of thanks for the people who’ve made a difference in our lives.  The deepest sense of gratitude, I believe, thrives at a level whereby one has recognized the goodness in someone or something, affirmed the significance of that goodness in one’s own life, and strives to honor that affirmation by acting accordingly for the benefit of oneself and of others.  It’s important to express it and it’s important to receive it.  Gratitude’s a powerful motivator.

I call it the Transistor Virtue because in cultivating that deepest sense of gratitude one becomes intentional in receiving the goodness as meaningful and switching it to a path of amplification.  Like the sounds of music, spoken poetry or even herons on the river, this experience moves people to think, feel and act.  I’ve long proposed that “gratitude is the most sustainable and renewable of all human resources” for its inherent power to spark positivity and naturally fuel its continuum.  And just as I’d suspected, so many “Aha” movements have been inspired and fueled by the power of gratitude and the subsequent desire to make a difference in the lives of others.

“I think gratitude springs from love and wonder,” Jackson said.  “I was motivated by a mix of gratitude—for the solace and the beauty and the unending wonder of (the Elizabeth River)—juxtaposed with a sorrow, a shame and awareness of a need that was not being addressed.

“To come from a place of gratitude is to come from a place of grace, instead of from a place of anger,” she added.  Fear and anger “motivate for the short term, but only love motivates long-term change.

“Love spawns gratitude, or vice versa.”

A blend of fear, disappointment and, yes, gratitude, inspired now-retired Chesapeake police captain Gene Saunders to establish Project Lifesaver International, CQ a rapid-response lifesaving program that provides the technology, education, training and network necessary for successful search and rescue missions involving children and adults who are prone to wander.

Saunders recalled “several (cases) where we were unable to find them” back in his days as a standard search and rescue specialist.  “It keeps coming back to you,” he said.  “When you have an unsuccessful search, that weighs heavy on you.  It’s just a tremendous, draining, depressing feeling.

“Then you see the uplift on people’s faces, and the appreciation,” when their loved ones have been found, he said.  “And that’s just fuel for the soul.”

That fuel sparked the impetus of Project Lifesaver in 1998.  The organization, now affiliated with 1,200 law enforcement and safety agencies within 46 states and abroad, just celebrated its 2,400^th rescue.

But it hasn’t been easy, Saunders said.  He encountered mostly nay-sayers at the start and plenty of obstacles to his overall vision along the way.

“There’s always some mountain to climb,” he said.  “There are some low times when you wonder, ‘Why am I doing this; why am I fighting so many battles?’”

But Saunders has a passion and he’s been able to remain focused on those people and agencies that’ve supported his mission.

“Project Lifesaver is not a one-person show,” he explained.  “It takes many people to believe in what you’re doing and jump in with both feet.”  He feels deep gratitude for the support they give “because they don’t have to,” he said.  “That’s when you feel a different level of elation, or gratitude. You’re grateful because this person believes in you without any (apparent) reason.”  In other words, it’s a gift—not necessarily earned; not guaranteed to offer the giver anything in return.  Except, maybe, the heartfelt gratitude of beneficiaries.

As letters arrive from families and agencies, thanking Project Lifesaver for its immeasurable gifts, that “keeps you going on that level that you need to be on,” Saunders said.  “When you have a passion for something it takes a lot of energy and you don’t realize it.  The voice of gratitude re-inspires you; it just kind of rejuvenates you.  It’s the fuel that keeps me going.”

Musician MaryAnn Toboz’s “Aha” moment landed by that very expression.

“Thank you,” an elderly woman had told her after Toboz had performed at a local nursing home.  “Please don’t forget us.”

Toboz felt the depth of appreciation from a lonely resident and decided she wouldn’t forget them.  Instead, she’d build a community of like-minded artists to provide frequent and purposeful entertainment to elder seniors.  Since establishing Tidewater Arts Outreach in 2003, Toboz’s mission has grown to incorporate an array of traveling performing and visual arts programs, serving about 70 locations throughout Hampton Roads, including nursing homes, shelters, crisis centers, hospitals and programs for people with special needs.  Rather than perform to their audiences the artists engage them.

“It’s evolved to really sharing the gift of (creating) art to self-express” and to help professionals “understand the value of art in healthcare,” Toboz said.  “Artists have gifts and they’re meant to be shared.  And they know it,” she explained.  “When you’re able to share a gift, and when it’s genuinely appreciated, that is so rewarding.

“You have to be in tune with what people want,” she added.  Therefore, the expression of gratitude is a guiding force.

Toboz said she works hard to show gratitude to her board of directors, artists and all who “give so much” to help to sustain her mission.  “(Gratitude) has changed my life,” she said.  “I’m so grateful to be in this position” to help others.

Nora Firestone, nfirestone@verizon.net

Nora Firestone is a Virginia Beach-based journalist and the founder of ThankingOfYou.com, the free Web-based forum for posting and receiving stories of gratitude (messages of thanks) to recognize, affirm and honor the people who’ve made a difference in our lives.  She can be reached via e-mail at nfirestone@verizon.net.  Visit www.ThankingOfYou.com for more information and to thank those who’ve made a difference in your life.

Deep Sense of Gratitude Fuels Aha Moments Everywhere

Thanking of You

Aha Moments
By Nora Firestone

On June 13 I shared one of my Aha Moments for Mutual of Omaha insurance company’s national “Aha Moment” campaign.  Organizers contacted me in May, asking if I’d share the inspiration behind the creation of ThankingOfYou.com, the Web-based forum for posting and receiving stories of gratitude (messages of thanks) to recognize, affirm and honor the people who’ve made a difference in our lives.  I was able to record a short bit inside the very cool Aha Moment mobile film studio, which they parked at Norfolk’s Waterside for two days during this year’s tour to 25 cities.  You can view my video here (click to view).

Though, in fact, several specific Aha Moments inspired the creation of ThankingOfYou.com:

I experienced one of my first memorable Aha Moments back in elementary school in Plainedge, Long Island, during the much anticipated Chicken Fight games in P.E.  Up against Paula Z., the toughest girl in class, I was sure my friend had me beat from the get-go.  Paula and I scrambled up and down those ropes that hung from the ceiling, each trying to knock the other off, while the whole class cheered for my opponent.

“Go, Paula!” rang through the gym continuously, not one of our classmates routing for the sure loser.  We all knew Paula would win, but I fought hard anyway.  “Go, Paula!” they cheered, as my toes skimmed the mat below.  With every shout for my opponent’s victory I inched closer to defeat.  I remember being tempted to forfeit.

Then I swung into the stare of Mr. Chuck Sybil, our gym teacher.  Mr. Sybil’s eyes locked on mine and he began to chant quietly, only to me, “Hang in there; you can do it.  Hang in there; you can do it.”

I realized that I had an important decision to make: To whom should I listen? Who should I believe—him or them?

Suddenly, the voices of the nay-sayers seemed to fade to mute, their enthusiasm for my opponent replaced a-hundred-fold by the one-man rally for my super powers.  I suddenly knew: The outcome of this challenge depends at least as much on me as it does on my opponent or any other circumstance.

So Mr. Sybil’s rally became my own.  With one instant recharge of my internal battery; one defiant burst of I can do it!, I pounced on my unwitting opponent, sending her feet to the mat in a jaw-dropping victory for the sure loser.

Mr. Sybil jumped to a resounding “Yessss!” while the rest of us stood shocked.

From that moment on I began to understand critical principles that would shape me as I grew and steer me at the crossroads, one of them being this:

Throughout my life there will be people who believe in me and people who don’t. And I have the power to discern.  I get to choose that on which I focus.  Even if the ratio of non-believers to believers is a thousand to one, focus on the One.

This became an essential tool, one upon which I would call time and again as I grew—a gift I would open again and anew as I needed it.  Whenever I thought I was defeated I locked eyes with Mr. Sybil and listened to his voice until it muffled all the rest: “Hang in there; you can do it!” And so I did; and so I could.  I didn’t always “win.”  But I always grew—in strength, in confidence, in knowledge, therefore in gratitude for his faith in me.

The more I recognized and affirmed the value and relevance of Mr. Sybil’s gift to my life, the more I chose to honor it with action—often, when possible, for the benefit of others.

For years I’d told myself that one day I’d send him a letter telling him when and how he’d had a lasting, positive impact on my life, why it still mattered today, and how I strive to honor that gift by letting his contribution benefit others through me.  I searched for two years but couldn’t find him.  In April, 2008, I had another Aha Moment.  I realized how important this was; that the needs to express gratitude for the people who’ve made a difference in our lives, and for those who’ve made a difference to discover when, how, to whom, and why it mattered, were universal.  So I created ThankingOfYou.com, in honor of all who’ve made a difference in my life, to facilitate recognition and thanking of those who make a difference in the lives of others.

Mr. Sybil has since read his story of gratitude at ThankingOfYou.com and he contacts me periodically to tell me that discovering how he’s impacted my life has had a profound impact on his.  Learning how he’s mattered to a former student has affirmed and renewed his own sense of life’s purpose.  Due to a serious injury, Mr. Sybil’s life has been extraordinarily difficult for the past 15 years.  But he tells me that on the days when his toes are skimming the mat, and he’s tempted to forfeit, he reads his message of thanks again and calls upon that same powerful advice he once gave a hard-pressed kid: “Hang in there; you can do it.”  And so he does; and so he can.

An extension of my realization that the deepest sense of gratitude thrives on the level of honoring, or acting upon, the gifts we’ve been given inspired another Aha Moment: My proposal that “gratitude is the most sustainable and renewable of all human resources” for its inherent nature to perpetuate goodness and fuel its continuum.

Today when asked what it is for which I’m most grateful, I answer, “Ironically and paradoxically, I’m most grateful for my deep sense of gratitude.”

The “Aha Moment” film experience was great, very positive, and the recording team of Jessica, Natalie and Ben couldn’t have been more professional.  I’m not sure how they discovered ThankingOfYou.com but I’m grateful that they understand and appreciate the movement and have acted to help promote it and I’m honored to have been selected as a model–albeit small–for inspiration.

In viewing Aha Moments filmed by others nationwide I’m struck by the number of affirmations of the power of gratitude to fuel the continuum of goodness.  Quite simply, people seek to “make a difference” in the lives of others in honor of those who have made a difference in theirs.  Gratitude is an inherently powerful virtue, the expression of which amplifies and perpetuates the force of goodness–not only for the grateful but often for those whose lives the grateful touch.

Here are a few others from the Norfolk, Va., stop:
Tidewater Arts Outreach: Impacting the lives of others with her musical gift
Two Teachers inspired her life of creativity
Saving lives with Project Lifesaver
Photographing the good (Stephen and I work for the same newspaper)

So now I ask you: Who’s made a difference in your life?  Tell them and the whole world about it by posting your messages of thanks to those who’ve impacted you in lasting, positive ways at ThankingOfYou.com.

You’re amazing; now go be yourself,
Nora

Take the 2011 Effects of Gratitude on the Everyday Experience survey.  Its thought-provoking questions might just have an impact on your everyday experience.

“Repairing Rainbows” Author’s Insightful Take on Gratitude

Thanking of You

This Sunday morning broke gently yet powerfully with an unexpected phone call from Lynda Fishman, author of Repairing Rainbows, an empowering true-life account of Fishman’s own immersion in and emergence from the extreme, profound challenges wrought by the tragic deaths of her mother and two sisters during childhood.

Our chat bounced from recollections of significant life events to the inspirations behind our current projects and centered, unavoidably, on the power of the virtue of gratitude.  How could it not, when the subject matter so closely addressed the amazing ability of the human spirit to thrive in the face of life’s many challenges?

The following is a post on gratitude from Lynda Fishman’s own blog–a lasting lift from a two-minute read:

Gratitude
Posted on June 11, 2010 by Lynda Fishman 

Whether someone is just doing their job, volunteering or exceeding expectations, gratitude goes such a long way. Genuine, intangible, heartfelt gratitude and appreciation. It is the most powerful form of recognition that anyone can provide. And it’s incredibly wonderful to be on the receiving end. The positive energy, aka positive vibes, are so strong it is sometimes possible to see the physical effects. It ignites others. And most of all, it feels great for everyone involved.

This morning I had the privilege of spending time with a very good friend, Jeff Ansell, who does communication and media training. Jeff knows that every time I talk about the tragic death of my mother and sisters, I have trouble controlling my tears. In order to prepare me for my upcoming book launch, Jeff offered to pull out the big guns and provide me with some anti-crying strategies. No guarantees of course, but at least the tears will be less immobilizing.

I picked Jeff up at 6 am so we could drive downtown together and beat the traffic. The first thing he did when he saw me was to thank me so much for picking him up. (He is helping and training me, and he’s thanking me. I would have picked him up in North Bay!) But that sweet and sincere “thank you” set the tone immediately. And then I watched as Jeff spread his magic throughout the early morning hours. We stopped for breakfast and he thanked the parking attendant, he thanked the host at the restaurant, he thanked the waiter, he thanked the chef. He doled out continuous, genuine, intangible, heartfelt gratitude and appreciation by saying thank you (really saying thank you) and smiling at each and every one of them. He did it so naturally and so sincerely, I don’t even think he realized the effect he was having on these people. But I did. They smiled back. They obviously felt his gratitude for them and for what they did, despite the fact that they were just doing their job.

He appreciated them. They appreciated him. It was like watching a gift exchange.

I can say with complete confidence that not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about my family who I lost almost 40 years ago. And I can also say without any doubt, that both Barry and I are where we are today because we have valued and appreciated so many people along the way. An invitation for dinner, a ride somewhere, a cup of coffee, an old table and chairs . . .  no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, we were grateful. We said thank you. The feel good kind of thank you. Because we meant it.

Having each lost so much as children, we learned early on that you never take anything for granted. We truly appreciated and valued anything and everything that others did for us. Gratitude was always our underlying attitude. And now that we are in a position to give back, we love the genuine thanks and appreciation we continuously receive. Giving, getting, appreciating, thanking . . . it’s a continuous positive cycle.

When someone says thank you and really means it, their gratitude makes its way right into your heart. I think we are incredibly lucky to understand and appreciate the value of gratitude in life.

It continues to amaze me that there are people like Jeff who thank others profusely for the smallest things, and sadly, there are others who will take and take without ever feeling grateful.

Ungratefulness breeds greed and jealousy.

Gratitude breeds abundance.

About Lynda Fishman
LYNDA WEINBERG FISHMAN is a trained clinical social worker who has spent more than 20 years as a camp director and has recently opened her own day camp, Adventure Valley. She has published articles and training manuals on leadership, teamwork, bullying, trust, childhood health and wellness, communication and customer service. Repairing Rainbows is her first full-length book. Lynda lives in Toronto with her husband, Barry. Together they have three grown children, two dogs and two cats. The Fishman family is heavily involved in fund raising and charity events for families dealing with tragedy, cancer or other life-threatening diseases.

“You’re amazing; now go be yourself,“
Nora

Who have you been meaning to thank?  Who on Earth has been Thanking of You?
Gratitude affirms life.  Express yours at ThankingOfYou.com

Father’s Day Poll: What Makes a Great Dad?

I want to know from you:  What makes a great dad?

Leave your comments here and on Sunday morning’s radio show I’ll read some of your responses on air.  Go ahead and mention your father’s name if you’d like!  And tell us who you are and where you’re from.

Join us on-air at 8 a.m. eastern time on Father’s Day and hear about dads who’ve inspired greatness in their children.  Details here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nora-firestone

So what do you say?  What makes a great dad? We want to know; post your comments here!

You’re amazing,
Nora and Team
www.ThankingOfYou.com

Veterans Day: The History, the Messages, Express Your Gratitude

Thanking of You, American Veterans

Photo by Nora Firestone

We express gratitude today for all of America’s veterans–past, present and future.  Below are excerpts from various editorials and articles which pertain to Veterans Day.  Also see details about Applebee’s free gift for veterans and active duty military today.  Servicemen and women, know that the hearts and minds of every true American are with you today and every day. Sirs, ma’ams, we thank you for your service.

Photo by Nora Firestone

History of Veterans Day

(From the Web site of the United States Department of Veterans Affairs):

World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” – officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919, in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles, France. However, fighting ceased seven months earlier when an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.”  Click here to read entire piece

Soldiers of the 353rd Infantry near a church at Stenay, Meuse in France, wait for the end of hostilities.  This photo was taken at 10:58 a.m., on November 11, 1918, two minutes before the armistice ending World War I went into effect

Editorial: Message from long ago still resonates (Nov. 11)

Gazette-Times | Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 1:30 am

The creators of Armistice Day, the holiday that became the day we celebrate today as Veterans Day, thought they were marking the end of the “war to end all wars.”

Ninety years ago, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed Nov. 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day.  He stated, “To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…”
Wilson’s words are worth some reflection on this Nov. 11. “Solemn pride” and “gratitude” indeed are appropriate today, as we honor the men and women who put on the uniforms of our armed forces and represented our country.

. . . And when those veterans return home, they deserve our continued thanks. . .

. . . we still will need men and women to serve in our armed forces. And the rest of us will still need to show our pride and our gratitude.   Read entire piece here

Photo by Nora Firestone

Visit Enchanted Learning for Kids’ Crafts

This educational Web site lists several Veterans Day crafts and free instructions for children.  Check it out here

Air Force leaders issue joint Veterans Day message

Posted 11/10/2009   Updated 11/10/2009

by Janie Santos
Defense Media Activity-San Antonio

11/10/2009 - SAN ANTONIO (AFNS) – The Air Force’s top leaders remind the entire Air Force family that this holiday has a meaning beyond a “day off” from work in a Veterans Day message.

Secretary of the Air Force Michael Donley and Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Norton Schwartz issued the following message:

Bound by common purpose and driven by singular valor, our nation’s service men and women exemplify the very best of our patriotic tradition. From “the shot heard ’round the world,” in Lexington on April 19, 1775, to their exceptional deeds in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere today, our veterans – past and present – have served nobly, and deserve our sincere gratitude and abiding respect.  Click here for entire piece

Veterans and Active Duty Military Eat Free at Applebee’s

Bring a veteran or active duty member of the U.S. military to Applebee’s, where s/he may choose from a select menu of savory entrees on the house.  Proof of military service required, see complete details here

Veteran’s Day free museums and parks

Julia Scott’s “Bargain Babe” tips for saving includes a list of parks, museums and businesses around the country which offer free admission and/or other services for Servicemen and women today.  Hers is a short list, but a good one, and should prompt you to call around your area to ask about deals.  Click here for Web site

Post your letters of gratitude for our military
personnel today or any day at
ThankingOfYou.com.  You’ll have to option to
donate to one of several charitable organizations listed, including Homes for Our Troops, in honor of the person or group you are thanking.  Click here to post your story

Children’s Hospice: How to Help Grieving Families Through the Holidays

Thanking of You

Children’s Hospice.  It just doesn’t sound right, does it?  I’d only heard of it a few years back, when a mural artist and dear friend asked me to volunteer to give Edmarc Hospice for Children, in Portsmouth, Va., an interior “face lift.”  We’d hoped also to be giving a “spirit lift,” but realized that there’s only so much a team can do with a few cans of paint and the best of intentions.  In fact many of us can count our “lucky stars” for never needing to know that such a service exists.

But it does.  And it does wonders to assist families and their children facing end-of-life issues so prematurely.  In fact,  “Last year, almost 1.5 million patients from across the nation received hospice care, according to the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization” an article in today’s Northwest Herald states.  “Palliative care generally is offered in earlier stages of an illness or disease, segueing into hospice care as the illness progresses.”

If you know of a family who’s child is in Hospice care, or if you’d simply like to learn more, listen to our radio show at 8 a.m. ET Sunday, November 15.  My guests, Debbie Stitzer-Brame, executive director at Edmarc;  Anne Chisman, Bereavement program director; and Wendy Mezzenga, the gracious mother of an Edmarc child, will discuss the significance of Hospice for children and how we can best reach out to grieving families and offer the help they need at a most difficult time in their lives.

“Grief through the holidays is like a tidal wave,” notes Stitzer-Brame.  What better time for us all to learn how we can make a difference in the lives of the families of terminally-ill children and those of beloved memory?  Please join us at www.blogtalkradio.com/Nora-Firestone at 8 a.m. ET Sunday, November 15.  Listeners may call in with questions or comments; the number’s listed on the show page.

You’re amazing.  Now go make a difference.
Nora and Team